I will be the first to admit that I'm not the world's best mom. Ever since we added a baby to the house my patience and tolerance has become much thinner then it used to be. It doesn't help that Ian has gotten just a little bit goofy ever since he turned 4. It's like a switch went off and he turned into a giant goof ball. Maybe his testosterone kicked in. There's only so much sword fighting, air punching, growling, aggressive behavior that I can take. I keep trying to remind myself that he is a normal preschool age boy, but that hasn't stopped me from losing it one too many times.
I can't stand the sound of my voice when I lose it with him. I get way too loud and aggressive - the very thing I'm trying to get him to stop doing. There are many times when I hear my own voice coming out of his mouth. I desperately want and need to change my tone of voice with him. I need to stop yelling on a regular basis and treat him like the little man that he is. So today I tried it out. It's amazing how well he responds to the gentle, but firm voice.
I'm also trying to put aside my own selfishness and engage with him. There are many times that I would rather be on the computer or watching TV or just cleaning up the clutter. Instead of cutting out things for him to color or sword fighting or pretending to be on some adventure. On our way home from Target Ian announced that he wanted to have a picnic when we got home. I explained the ground was too wet (from 2 days of rain) and he asked to have it in his room. I obliged even though there were a hundred things I would have rather been doing. Along the way I kept coming up with excuses for why we shouldn't do it. First, Jenna started rolling around and getting into our food. So we moved it to his bed. Then, I was worried that we would make a mess on his bed. I swallowed my excuses and we had a good mess-free time.
Ian will be 5 years old in just two short weeks. It's hard to imagine my little boy as being 5 already! In the Fall he will be attending kindergarten and I won't have him with me every day. I need to savor the moments that I do have with him and make sure that he knows that he is loved. I need to help him along as he is blossoming in his newfound creativity of make believe. These are the things that will help him to succeed in school!
This is not to say that I'm not going to expect him to obey. I see way too many parents that are so caught up in making sure that their kids feel loved and have the freedom to explore that they lose sight of discipline. I think there needs to be a necessary balance. I just know that my way of handling things recently (i.e. losing it) has not worked and I need to try out a new voice. One that I will be happy to have coming out of my son's mouth, not one that makes me cringe!
2 comments:
So, did you write this post, or just steal it out of my head? Change a few words (you know-- "mom", "Ian") and I'd think you were channeling me.
"I can't stand the sound of my voice...." I often think the same thing about myself. Tait seems to be especially good at refusing to do anything. I hate negative reinforcement, but it seems to work with him. It's definitely easier than thinking creatively, or expending more energy to figure out a way to get him moving.
Maybe he just wants and needs me to do it with him instead of distracting myself with something else. I know we'd all be a lot better off if I'd focus on the important things, and not my latest distraction.
It gives me comfort to know that I'm not alone!
Accountability was a big reason why I wrote this post. Mostly to myself. If anyone wants to be accountable in this together just let me know!
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